OK, this one’s on us. We’re huge fans of the Enderverse, so when we got a chance to interview its author, Orson Scott Card, we absolutely could not pass up the opportunity. Well, in hindsight, it turns out that’s exactly what we should have done, because this dude is just an absolute piece of shit who’s not worthy of anyone’s time. Here’s the transcript of our attempted interview with him, if you even want to read it. Honestly, we can’t blame you if you don’t. We promise we’ll do more research on our interview subjects going forward.
Hard Drive: Hey Mr. Card. It’s such an honor to interview you!
Orson Scott Card: It’s great to be here.
HD: So what made you decide you wanted to write science fiction?
OSC: Well, that’s actually a very interesting story in and of itself, but I was actually hoping to use this interview as an opportunity to speak against the homosexual agenda.
HD: What?
OSC: You know, I truly believe that the legalization of gay marriage in Obergefell v Hodges in 2015 marked the end of democracy as we know it.
HD: Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you?
OSC: It’s common knowledge that homosexuality is a tragic genetic mixup, and this case began a slippery slope towards total homosexual political rule in this country. I’m just glad I’ve built up this platform through my writing, and with your help I can reach a new audience with my message!
HD: Oh no, we absolutely do not support that.
OSC: Are you sure? If you let me rant against homosexuality for the next few questions, we can talk about “Speaker for the Dead” for a little while.
HD: Ugh, no thank you.
OSC: Do you want to hear about how I urged my followers to vote for Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election?
HD: Alright, this interview’s over.
There you have it. Again, we’re sorry about this, and we promise to be more thorough in the future. In the meantime, we have an interview with J.K. Rowling scheduled for tomorrow, and we figured we should probably look into her before it starts.
