REDWOOD CITY, Calif. – Representatives at EA Sports have confirmed that NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers is every bit the insufferable dipshit in their Madden NFL games that he is in real life, sources report.
“It’s true that, even within the fictional Madden NFL universe, Mr. Rodgers is just as annoying and stupid as he is outside of it,” EA Sports spokesperson Hamza Dhanial said. “Every instance we’ve seen of him comporting himself like a moronic asshole, such as his declining to get the COVID-19 vaccine but telling reporters that he was ‘immunized’ because of his bullshit homeopathic remedies, to his vocal support for Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., is also reflected in the games. We just choose to refrain from showing it because we figure rationally-minded football fans suffer through enough of his idiocy by following the actual goings-on of the sport.”
Madden NFL fan Landon Welker reacted to the news.
“It’s definitely a bummer that Aaron Rodgers is doing and saying stupid shit in the virtual world, too,” Welker noted. “I’m glad they’re not subjecting the player to it, though. Listening to Rodgers do things like falsely accuse Jimmy Kimmel of having ties to Jeffrey Epstein on The Pat McAfee Show or hearing stories from his old backup quarterback about how he thinks 9/11 was an inside job is not something I want to deal with in my gaming experience.”
Rodgers was dismayed that his off-field antics weren’t highlighted in the games.
“I consider myself a truth-teller first, and a football player second,” he pondered while preparing his next dose of ivermectin. “So it’s actually insulting that video game players are being denied my wisdom while they’re playing Madden NFL. I’d have discovered this myself, but I don’t play games because the rays emitted by the consoles have been known to cause brain cancer. While I have your attention, do you want to hear my thoughts on AIDS and why I think it was created in a lab to benefit the pharmaceutical industry?”
At press time, EA Sports had confirmed that Patrick Mahomes was an obnoxious pipsqueak in the Madden NFL universe, too.
