OK, I know what you’re thinking: this is just another kook out there willing to endanger not only her children’s lives, but the lives of their classmates and teachers at Raccoon City Elementary School, because she read a few unhinged posts on Facebook. Trust me, I’m not some wacko conspiracy theorist. I did my research, and here’s why I decided not to give my children the T-Virus vaccine.
When the Umbrella Corporation unleashed that horrible virus on our beloved city, I would have done anything for a preventative vaccine. Watching my neighbors and loved ones morph into mindless, flesh-eating zombies was an absolute nightmare, but the subsequent months we spent in quarantine allowed me plenty of time to think. Would a potential vaccine be worth it if I didn’t understand the side effects? How would it affect herd immunity? Should I just purposely expose my children to the T-Virus and allow it to run its course, like chicken pox? While the virus’s complete degradation of the human brain led me to opt against the latter, I ultimately decided that a vaccine just wouldn’t be worth the risk.
Did you know 0.02% of the vaccine’s recipients reported serious side effects, like nausea and vomiting? I’m not subjecting my beloved Tyler and Jessica to that just so some pharmaceutical company can cash in! Also, they came out with that vaccine way too fast. What do they think we are, lab rats? I’ll just tell the kiddos to steer clear of any strangers they see stumbling through the streets of our decimated town, as well as any plant vines and dogs. And they certainly aren’t allowed to go anywhere near that labyrinth of a police station, because I’ve heard some pretty nasty stuff happened there.
You know my neighbor Kirk? He had a stroke just two weeks after he was vaccinated. You think that was just a coincidence? Yeah right. Perfectly healthy 72-year-old chronic smokers don’t just experience something like that. There had to have been an outside cause, and I think it just might have been from a needle jabbed into his right bicep. You don’t need things like “direct causal relationships” or even “any evidence whatsoever” when the truth is staring you right in the face.
This is just my personal decision. If you want to line up your kids with all the sheep down at the free clinic they set up in Kendo Gun Shop, be my guest. I won’t try to stop you from getting your precious little shots. Just don’t come crying to me when they get sick, all because you overreacted to the relatively slim possibility that they would morph into the walking dead. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.
