ARLINGTON, Va. — After President Trump cut federal funding to the Public Broadcasting service, CEO Paula Kerger assured fans that she knows how to deal with smug, little assholes after putting up with Caillou’s shit for years.
“If you’ve dealt with one whiny, little bitch, you’ve dealt with them all,” explained Kerger. “They just want attention and will do anything for it. Name-calling, hair-pulling, pinching. No matter how hard it is, you just have to ignore it. But if you can’t or they really get under your skin, you can call their mommy. Or in Trump’s case, call his daddy—Putin.”
Another PBS employee also sounded frustrated at the President’s threats.
“We already have one Caillou who is a complete and total bitch baby! We don’t need another,” yelled Dennis Feldman, senior operator of audience and revenue growth. “Why doesn’t that arrogant, selfish jackass go bother Ms. Rachel or hassle the crew at Nick Jr.? We have enough on our plates trying to deal with that bald, fucking shithead, Caillou.”
While the world watches PBS and Trump go head-to-head, broadcast historian, Bill Grant, explains what this could mean for the future of television.
“On one hand, none of us would have to suffer the agony of listening to loud-mouthed, dickhead Caillou ever again,” said Grant. “But on the other hand, millions of children would never get the education that they so desperately need if they lose PBS. So it’s a tough thing to think about. But the good news for those that are worried, no matter what, one prick is going to lose.”
At present time, neither the Trump or Caillou camp were willing to speak to reporters. The only thing reporters were offered was a loud, fart noise coming from their mouths.
