WASHINGTON — Wandering awkardly around the country, kill screen enthusiast Brian Kuh stopped at several landmarks and shouted at the top of his lungs about an upcoming United States kill screen that was quickly approaching.
“U.S. kill screen coming up at the White House, if anyone wants to watch,” the former Donkey Kong prodigy shouted at a group of lost tourists who were just looking for directions to the Lincoln Memorial. “I mean it’s not as hard as running a decathlon or triathlon, but it’s still very very hard.”
Kuh continued on, imparting the historical significance of this kill screen to any passersby.
“Trump’s hammering the markets and avoiding Democrats barreling down on him, but this run could come to an end if he’s not careful of those pesky judges,” Kuh said, pointing aggressively in the direction of the White House. “Many players have tried and failed at what Trump is doing here today, players like Buchanan, Reagan, and Trump the first time.”
James Glint, a stockbroker, further explained the upcoming kill screen as he stood on a nearby rooftop staring into the middle distance.
“The thing about the U.S. kill screen is that everything keeps going for a little while longer after you’ve reached it,” Glint said as he handed us a note for his spouse and his shoes. “We hit the kill screen a few days ago, so it’s only a matter of time.”
At press time, Kuh stared at the White House, envious of Trump’s achievement.
