HOLLYWOOD — Warner Bros. CEO David Zaslav announced earlier today that he had recently invited Bugs Bunny to become a made man.
“Ever since I took over this company I’ve had to figure out what to do with that rabbit. On the heels of reluctantly releasing The Day the Earth Blew Up I realized that making him a made man was long overdue. As CEO I have to make some hard decisions but for me this was an easy one. He was so happy when I told him I was going to make him a made man. He came to the meeting in his nicest suit and the look on his face when it happened is something I’ll cherish for the rest of my days. It’s what it is.”
The other members of the Looney Tunes claim that no one has seen Bugs since he told them he was to become made man.
“Something is fishy. First Zaslav cancels one of films, then he takes our whole catalog off Max and then he decides to make Bugs a made man and all of a sudden no one has seen him? It stinks. It stinks real bad,” claimed Daffy Duck. “I asked David where Bugs went after their meeting and all he said was that ‘he must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque’ before laughing maniacally”
Some of the Looney Tunes have prepared for the worst and are fearful of their lives.
“Bugs is gone and Zaswav is in a good mood. Something went down in that meeting,” said Elmer Fudd whilst continually looking over his shoulder. “I think Zaswav is finawwy cweawing house. Evewywhere I go I see bwack cars fowwowing me. Sometimes even a hewicopter. Isn’t it obvious. Zaswav is wwiting us off for good.”
At press time, when asked to further elaborate on the situation Zaslav simply stated “The blood of the rabbit will bring great value to our shareholders.”
