FREDERICK, Md. — Self-proclaimed Disney fanatic Seth Deluth was left downright disgusted this week when a 67-year old work colleague, Valerie Lee, had the gall to assume he liked the Minions franchise, an office source confirmed.
“So Valerie came in Monday and told Seth she saw ‘Despicable Me 4’ with her grandson over the weekend. She said something like, ‘Now I see why you like these cute cartoon guys!’ and he just lost his shit,” explained Breton Poole, a coworker of Deluth and Lee. “I’ve never seen Seth so lit up or Valerie so confused. He just kept saying that he felt like James Woods’ depiction of Hades.”
Deluth’s recount of the incident painted the encounter in a more heated light.
“She’s lucky I didn’t call HR on her, that Dreamworks-loving jerk! It was like workplace harassment straight out of those employee training videos we all have to watch, but instead of calling me a slur, she said something even worse,” explained Deluth, wiping crumbs off his Star Wars mousepad. “Those little yellow fucks give the art of animation a bad name. When Disney creates a goofy little guy, they don’t milk it by copy-pasting him a thousand times. It’s an insult to the art.”
Lee still doesn’t grasp how the situation unraveled as it did.
“I was just trying to make conversation. Seth is always talking about his cartoons and wearing enamel pins with silly characters on them. Why wouldn’t he like the glasses-wearing golden potato guys too?” said Lee. “Heck, his desk is decorated with those plastic figurines that have the square heads and empty, soulless eyes. You know, those freaky ‘pop’ things. I know he’s got more than just Disney there. He’s acting as grumpy as Gru.”
At press time, Deluth appeared to have moved on and was staring at a mildew stain on the drop ceiling about his desk that looked exactly like a Hidden Mickey.
