MILWAUKEE — The GOP filled out its ticket on Monday when Donald Trump named his running mate for 2024: White Male Preset 3.
“We’re very happy with this pick from the former president,” said an 82 year old ghoul who appeared to be a senator from Kentucky. “After Donald was almost taken from us on Saturday it was important we get back on schedule for destroying democracy this November. This VP pick is a good sign things will be back to normal soon.”
Trump’s former VP, White Male Preset 4 (old), does not seem too upset about not being picked to run again with 45, seemingly still a little peeved from that time the former president was encouraging his supporters to hang him.
“Look, I love Donald, I really do,” the former Vice President said while laying his head in his wife’s lap. “But he put my family in danger on January 6th and frankly I just don’t have it in me anymore. Being Trump’s VP is a young man’s game. Especially now that bullets are flying, mother and I have to do what’s best for us and get back to forcing gay youths into conversion therapy and then denying we were ever involved.”
Donald Trump seemed unconcerned about his former Vice President, instead focusing on his excitement for the future with Preset 3.
“Look at this guy, now that’s a vice president. I call him Vicey Val or Vicey Vince? What’s your name again? Doesn’t matter, Beardy McViceface,” Donald Trump said while bleeding profusely from the ear. That’s my guy. I picked him. It was all me, no one knows how to pick a vice president like me folks. Poor Sleepy Joe could never pick someone so American and so Vice Presidential. It’s very sad.”
Reportedly, Trump wanted to pick the AR-15 as his running mate, but decided against it after a recent dispute.
