WASHINGTON DC — The House voted to approve a blatantly anti-gamer bill today that would see the bottom half of every Tiktok video, often a safe refuge for gamers as they watch a cooking video or whatever, banned.
“Is any gamer really surprised they chose to ban the bottom half and not the top half?” one online commenter going by the username ImJustMen said. “It’s a targeted attack on us. They know we cannot physically endure a complete 14 second dance video without visual gamer support.”
The disturbing bill now goes to the senate, where it’s fate is uncertain. But Biden has said he intends to approve it if given a chance.
“No surprise — Biden is nothing more than a puppet for Sweet Baby Inc,” one online commenter said. “Being a gamer in this country is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but I refuse to give in. I’m downloading a ton of 2x speed Minecraft gameplay right now and will just hold a second phone halfway over my first so I can get through these videos without clicking away. If Uncle Sam wants to take that from me he’ll have to come and try.”
As of press time, the devs behind Subway Surfers were reportedly beginning to wonder if they should spent more on their Washington lobbying.
