PHILADELPHIA, PA — A millennial wrestling fan has come to the crushing realization that they’ll never be able to try wrestling moves at home due to skyrocketing housing costs.
“I thought one day I’d have a place of my own,” said Joe Cominski, a longtime South Philly renter. “Somewhere simple where I could do a powerbomb off the roof onto the trampoline – but when I started to look for houses in my price range, I was crushed.”
As housing prices continue to rise across the country, millennials like Cominski feel like they will be renting for the rest of their lives.
“A one bedroom apartment just isn’t enough space to hit a belly-to-belly suplex, let alone a german suplex,” said Cominski on a tour of his tiny South Philly apartment. “Plus I can’t risk any damage a 450 frog splash might cause. I need to get my security deposit back.”
During the tour, Cominski did show off a small space he was able to clear out in the living room where he was able to try out various holds.
“It helps scratch that itch, but it’s not the same as having a house with a roof you can jump off of. Maybe one day I’ll be able to afford to rent a two-bedroom and try some choke slams or drop kicks, but even that seems more unobtainable each day.”
At the end of the tour, Cominski was still hopeful that the day would come when he’ll be able to own his own home.
“I just have to keep a positive attitude. Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and find a house I can afford with a nice back porch I can try an elbow drop from.”
