ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local Guitar Hero Romeo Crosby has finally reached the point of becoming a villain in the eyes of those who used to view him as a savior, multiple sources confirmed.
“My friends just don’t understand what I’m working toward,” said Crosby while arguing with his bank to reverse an overdraft fee after purchasing several guitar controllers on eBay. “I have an opportunity to be the best in the world at Clone Hero, so I have to get the jump on this while everyone still doesn’t give a shit about Guitar Hero. Once this inaccessible, fan-made version of a decades-old dead franchise gets globally popular, I’m golden.”
Crosby’s childhood friend and drummer main, Alicia Donovan, just feels bad about the entire situation,
“Clone Hero’s release was the beginning of Romeo’s turn from extremely cool guy who’s good at Guitar Hero to insufferable douche who’s even better at Guitar Hero,” said Donovan while air-drumming so poorly we could tell he was off, despite there being no sound. “The game got too complicated for the rest of us when Clone Hero introduced such absurdly complicated custom charts, but Romeo refused to play a normal game. All he does is play 45 minute ‘meme charts’ and smashes his guitar into his monitor if he doesn’t FC the entire thing. We’re gonna stage an intervention.”
Fellow bandmate, bassist Milo Merrill, yearns for the days of old as well.
“Fuck Romeo, man. He barely even plays with us anymore cause the songs we play on real Guitar Hero are ‘pussy shit,’” said Merrill. “He used to save us from failing since he’d always have star power, but now he just holds down the whammy bar the entire session so every sustained note sounds flat as fuck. The game tells us we rock, but I think we suck. Probably because we do.”
At press time, Crosby remains plastered to his gaming chair as his friends call in a much needed 5150.
