September 18, 2021 Voter Participation Skyrockets After Adding “Goku or Superman” to Ballot Voter Participation Skyrockets After Adding “Goku or Superman” to Ballot PHILADELPHIA — Local voter registration surged this week directly before the local mayoral election after a city ordinance came into effect that added to the…
September 12, 2021 EA Announces New Game Where You’re the Mayor and Don’t Do Anything Called ‘Sim Tent City’ EA Announces New Game Where You’re the Mayor and Don’t Do Anything Called ‘Sim Tent City’ REDWOOD CITY, Calif. — Electronic Arts announced a new addition to the SimCity franchise today which puts players in the shoes of a metropolitan mayor…
September 10, 2021 Nancy Pelosi Deliberately Steers Into Banana Peel After Accidentally Taking Lead in Mario Kart Nancy Pelosi Deliberately Steers Into Banana Peel After Accidentally Taking Lead in Mario Kart WASHINGTON — Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House of Representatives, hit a banana peel on purpose this morning at Mario Circuit, after inadvertently reaching first…
September 10, 2021 Why Didn’t the Eagles Do Anything to Stop 9/11 From Happening? Why Didn’t the Eagles Do Anything to Stop 9/11 From Happening? Anyone who knows me understands what a huge Lord of the Rings nerd I am, however, my fandom does not come without criticism. Like many…
September 9, 2021 Taliban Leaders Demand United States “Let People Enjoy Things” Taliban Leaders Demand United States “Let People Enjoy Things” KABUL, Afghanistan — Taliban officials controlling Afghanistan have sent out a demand to the United States that the nation should “let people enjoy things,” a…
August 21, 2021 Barron Trump Threatens to Continue Growing Until He Gets a PS5 Barron Trump Threatens to Continue Growing Until He Gets a PS5 PALM BEACH, Fla. — Standing at 6 feet, 7 inches, Barron Trump, the son of former President Donald Trump, announced that he will continue to…
August 10, 2021 Andrew Cuomo Accepts Leadership Position at Activision Blizzard Andrew Cuomo Accepts Leadership Position at Activision Blizzard NEW YORK — Following his resignation as Governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo announced today that he has accepted a leadership position at video game…
July 13, 2021 Fabled Social Justice Warrior Wanders Coastal Bubble in Search of Opponent Woke Enough to Cancel Him Fabled Social Justice Warrior Wanders Coastal Bubble in Search of Opponent Woke Enough to Cancel Him LOS ANGELES — Champion of all things woke, fabled social justice warrior Ser Jonas Talbot is reportedly wandering the coastal bubble of the United States…
July 9, 2021 How, I Dunno, the Fuckin Numa Numa Guy Led to the Formation of the Alt-Right How, I Dunno, the Fuckin Numa Numa Guy Led to the Formation of the Alt-Right As the world plunges into the depths of irreversible climate change, protests against police violence break out across our country, politicians collect paychecks instead of…
