DONUT PLAINS — Stranded without sustenance for weeks, video game hero Mario Mario confirmed, after seeing no other options, that Yoshi meat is sadly very, very tasty, mortified sources confirmed while shaking their heads in disgust.
“Mamma mia,” said Mario, in a wildly uncharacteristic somber tone. “I-ah had no other choice-ah! Why is it called-ah the Donut Plains when-ah there’s no donuts anywhere?! It was a simple case-ah of the food chain. It was either starve-ah to death, or make-ah the Yoshi burgers. But-ah the truth is, the meat-ah…it was so delectable, so juicy, so flavorful, so pleasantly green-tinted-ah. Ugh, I even ate-ah the saddle. Anyway, let’s-ah go…inform-ah Yoshi’s next of kin.”
When asked for verification, Chef Elmer Grilles, who specializes in fictional meat cuts, backed up Mario’s sorrowful claim.
“Oh, it’s unfortunate, to be sure. But those little dudes are out-of-this-world tasty. Like, in the pantheon of green-guy meats, if I had to rank them, Yoshi tenderloin would be somewhere in between Slimer chops, and Grinch nuggets.” listed Chef Grilles, as he stirred a giant pot of New England Smurf chowder. “And, just to clarify, we’re talking the Grinch AFTER he’s learned that Christmas doesn’t come from a store. The good shit.”
Super Mario World animal rights activists are understandably up in arms about the situation.
“At a certain point you have to ask, is Mario the reason Dry Bones has no meat on him? Hmmm? Highly suspect if you ask me,” said an irate Wario, who we guess has been passionate about animal rights this whole time, who knew? “All I know is I’ll be keeping a close eye on him around Thanksgiving…because just because someone is named Birdo, doesn’t mean you can cook them like one.”
At press time, Mario vowed to go vegetarian, citing a delicious mushroom salad recipe he wanted to have Toad over for.
