Gamers worldwide are buzzing with excitement and readying their most resilient thumbstick covers after watching the gameplay trailer for Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree. But me, I’m not so sure, as I must unfortunately question the veracity of this supposed official “gameplay” video because at no point did I ever see myself shooting bosses at range from as far away as possible.
My character, Flippin Gizzards, is of the Astrologer class. You think I want to get up close and personal with my 73 Intelligence and 15 Strength? No way. But all I see in the trailer is swordplay and kicking, not me giving the Draconic Tree Sentinel as wide of a berth as possible while I circle safely on my Spectral Steed and shoot him with Loretta’s Greatbow.
Hell, the only time I saw anyone use a ranged weapon in the trailer, they were less than ten feet away from their enemy. I’m out here raining half-court shots like Damian Lillard in the NBA All-Star Game. At a minimum, I’m distracting Godrick with Spirit Ashes while I spam Rock Sling from the logo. It’s Dame Time in Limgrave.
My son loved the trailer, but that’s because he sits there dual-wielding Brick Hammers. Just roll and attack, roll and attack, he tells me. Sure, I’ll stand there underneath a boss’s balls while I wave my hands around like an idiot. Remember what Pumola did to Ricardo Morra in Bloodsport?
Dragons? Loretta’s Greatbow, run away, Loretta’s Greatbow, run away. Hell, I’ll cheese someone by sneaking up behind them and hitting them with Poison Mist over and over if I have to. But if I go by the trailer, it’s a good idea to run right next to a gigantic, flaming, wicker boss? Not for me, thank you.
So for now, until I see representation of who I am as an Elden Ring player, I will remain skeptical that the DLC trailer was actually real.
