Unfortunately, not all of us had stable parental figures growing up. Or any figures, aside from the ones that talk to us daily inside our heads, telling us what we should be doing. And sometimes, they sound and, at worst, look suspiciously like your favorite video game characters. WHAT? Here’s top 10 videogame characters you should not be relating to, seriously dude just go to therapy.
10) Joel
Okay, so what do you do when you lose your daughter to mushroom zombies? You kill everyone, get yourself a replacement daughter, and end up getting killed trying to save her. Even though, on some level, you’re really trying to save the daughter you lost. Kinda fucked up? Yup. If Joel had gone to therapy immediately when the apocalypse started or even a few days before, maybe all that bloodshed could’ve been avoided.
9) Arthur Morgan
Hate to break it to you, but… there were probably healthier ways to make a living at the turn of the century than robbing banks. With a little therapy, the whole gang might’ve picked up some solid cognitive tools for emotional regulation and, you know, basic life management.
8) Stardew Valley Player
At first, it sounds like a dream. You inherit a little patch of land and become a farmer. How wholesome. Except… it’s not. Ever heard of OCD? With the right meds and some solid psychotherapy, you might finally be free from your compulsive need to plant seeds every single day.
7) Henry (Firewatch)
Ahh, breakups. The ultimate way to derail a somewhat balanced life. When you get out of a long-term relationship, the last thing you should do is run off to sit in a tower in the middle of nowhere watching for potential forest fires. Why are you trying to escape your problems when you should be facing them? Even the worst armchair therapist can tell you’re not okay.
6) Doom Guy
You’re on Mars and the gates of Hell have opened. There’s apparently no choice but to blast demons apart with a shotgun and a chainsaw. Sounds thrilling? If you said yes, you’re probably a trauma-ridden man possessed by toxic masculinity. I have news for you: there is no hellspawn living on Mars. There’s only you, antidepressants, and therapy.
5) Isaac Clarke
I get it, mining is tough work. You feel like you’re stuck in a hamster wheel with no way out. The mortgage is crushing you, the kids are screaming, and yeah, the deformed monsters in the corridors trying to rip your guts out aren’t helping. Maybe it’s time to walk into a doctor’s office and get that sick leave certificate? Wake up man! You’re not on some space station mining and fighting abominations. You’re Steve from Portland, and your inner life is a hollow black void.
4) Stanley
When it comes to hamster-wheel jobs, office work isn’t exactly an upgrade. The moment you start hearing a voice in your head that’s not yours and you can’t control it, it’s time to call emergency services immediately. Think of it this way: good mental health is the one ending no Stanley Parable player has ever found, but everyone secretly wants.
3) Link
Of course there’s a princess you have to save. That much is obvious. But what if you just… took off those green elf pajamas your mom probably made, put the wooden sword down on the floor, and calmly came with us? Everything’s going to be okay, there’s no danger here. Have you ever heard of electroconvulsive therapy?
2) Gordon Freeman
You think you’re finally free after taking down an entire occupying dictatorship with nothing but a crowbar. Maybe that feels like freedom for a moment. But the post-war trauma seeps into your dreams, and you wake up drenched in sweat, not knowing why. It’s time to put down the virtual crowbar and find real freedom within yourself. Only after therapy can you begin the path toward being a free man. Until then, you’re just Gordon.
- Goat
Get help. Immediately.
