PEARLY GATES — Researchers from the National Institute of Health have found the declining birth rates around the world are largely due to God spending an unreasonable amount of time on the Character Creation screen.
While God was flipping between Chin 3 and Chin 14 on his newest creation, we asked him about this growing crisis.
“Hey, you play how you want to play. This is how I have fun,” He bellowed from the heavens, visibly frustrated after accidentally switching his race selection and erasing all of his previous progress.
According to reports, Yahweh seems to spend most of his time going deep into facial features, body type, and hair color, mostly physical attributes. After hours upon hours of his work in this first section he never seems to even make it to things such as class or background. Skills seem to elude the heavenly father as well, both those of the one he’s creating and his own when it comes to the task at hand.
God’s son, Jesus H. Christ has reportedly been watching his father hog the PC for millennia. He reports that God doesn’t even know what he’s doing most of the time.
“Like, he’ll get up really close to the screen and just move the Hand Depth slider up and down,” said the Lord and Savior of believers across the globe. “He’ll scream ‘I don’t see what this is even changing,’ then start a new character because apparently this one’s hands are all messed up now.”
Japan has been hit particularly hard due to God’s indecisiveness, recording a 16-year long decline in the national birth rate. Prime Minister Fumio Kishida has urged God to speed things along.
“Dude, just do the default options! ” the Prime Minister said. “It’s a first-person game anyway, I don’t understand why you’re focusing on our Blemish Intensity for twenty minutes.”
At press time, God was scrolling through Nexus Mods to find more options for adult mods to continue the personal degree to which he can fine tune each character.
