NORTH POLE — Santa Claus announced today to his workshop of elves that he could afford to only give one little boy or girl a PS5 for Christmas this year.
“The reality is that there are millions of children in the world, and at almost $500 a pop, there’s no way the big man, who works only one day a year, can afford to buy that many PS5s,” explained the North Pole’s Chief Financial Elf, Jingles.
Sources close to the situation confirmed with one local North Polian that old Saint Nick has been dealing with some financial setbacks but has done everything he could to make sure every child has a good Christmas.
“He sold poor Doner and Comet to a butcher. He and Mrs.Claus started an OnlyFans that was so hot, it made me melt. But unfortunately, none of it generated the income needed to get more than one PS5,” explained local snowman, Burrrt.
Now, Santa has the difficult task of determining which child will be the lucky one to receive the sole PS5. But the children of the world are not making it easy on Kris Kringle. It has been reported that after Santa made his announcement, his workshop has been bombarded with letters from children bribing him for the PS5.
“One kid sent Santa her allowance to persuade him into bringing her the PS5. Another promised extra cookies for him if he came down the chimney with the game console. One child even promised to let Santa kiss his mommy if he brought him the PS5,” exclaimed Head Elf Holly.
At press time, Santa has reportedly increased list checking by over a thousand percent in an effort to determine which child will get the PS5.
