After the fifth consecutive fatality, lifelong friend Greg Udokis has reportedly called it a night, citing difficulty competing on your 85” OLED 4K 120Hz TV.
Despite having never displayed any prowess playing fighting games during the 19 years you’ve known him, Greg seemed certain that the size of your designed-for-gaming television was solely to blame for his ineptitude over the Thanksgiving break.
“It’s just too f**ing big, bro,” Greg pleaded, tossing your $70 controller onto the floor and dislocating the right trigger. “I’m used to playing with a 1ms response time on my monitor back home, I absolutely crush on my setup. This big-ass TV is trash.”
Hard Drive’s investigative reporters found this claim to be fraudulent, with Udokis sporting a win ratio of just 19% in MK11’s online modes.
Further digging uncovered similarly poor statistics in other arenas: a 0.56 K/D ratio in last year’s iteration of Call of Duty, a win percentage of .02% in Fall Guys, and perhaps most surprisingly, a seemingly insurmountable debt of 5.696 million Bells in the laid-back Animal Crossing: New Horizons.
When confronted with these statistics, Udokis declined to comment, quickly changing the subject by suggesting a friendly game of Madden.
He again found himself on the losing side – this time to the tune of a 21-0 score by the middle of the second quarter, bringing the conclusion of the game by way of the house’s established mercy rule.
“You just won because you gave me the controller without a trigger,” Udokis explained.
