GOLDENROD CITY — As our cerulean planet completes yet another long journey around the sun, reports have begun pouring in from across the Johto region that an up and coming Pokémon trainer, 12-year-old Anton, appears to be the only one to follow through on his New Year’s resolution to spend more time at the gym.
“No one becomes a Pokémon Master overnight; we all have to start somewhere. It’s all about committing, knowing your limitations, and then stepping out of your comfort zone to push beyond those limits,” said Anton, showing off his collection of Gym Badges.
“I started out training at Violet Gym, just nice and slow. Now I’ve got all the way up to my Fog Badge and I’m still looking ahead! You just have to remember no one’s gonna be taking on the Elite Four right off the bat. It’s all about finding what works best for you and your Pokémon.”
In light of Anton’s recent gains, more lackadaisical trainers from across the region were high on defense. One older trainer, Delroy of Olivine City, was on the quick attack with excuses.
“Yeah yeah, I fell off going to the gym, but I’ve got a lot going on, it’s hard to find time to battle,” said Delroy, multiple Garbadors waddling around his living room.
“Look, I’ve got a couple badges under my belt, I just took a short break after Whitney at Goldenrod Gym kept bringing out that stupid Milktank of hers. It’s just too exhausting. So what if I’m a bit of a Snorlax? One of these days I’ll vine whip myself into shape, but those gyms are full of Gurdurr Heads and I just can’t stand them. You know those guys are all PP Maxing anyway.”
The use of vitamins in the Johto Gym scene remains somewhat of an open secret according to Anton, who claims neither he nor his accountability partner, Bruno of the Elite Four, had ever utilized the performance enhancers. While we could not reach Bruno for comment, we were able to speak with his Machamp, who set the record straight.
“Machamp! Euh- Machamp -Champ, Ma-Champ? MACHAMP! Heuh -CHAMP! Euh uh, Machamp…”
While Anton continues to remain a success story for those yearning to fulfill their resolutions this year, not everyone was quite as optimistic. We spoke with Poké Mart cashier Niles about his resolutions.
“I mean, I used to have goals like Anton,” said Niles, stacking a box of Great Balls on the shelf.
“I thought one day everyone around town would know my name, but even frequent visitors to the Poké Mart tend to forget I exist. Honestly I never even really started my Pokémon Journey. I tried, but my Piplup and I never really clicked.
“When you’re young like Anton, you have all these aspirations; you wanna be the very best like no one ever was, but that’s just not possible for the majority of us. We can’t go to the gyms all the time. By the time I get off work I feel like Tangela; Mega Drained. So I guess I left all that behind. I stopped making resolutions a while ago, now I’m just surviving day to day, what’s there to live for? I’ve amounted to nothing… Gengar used Dream Eater and it’s super effective…”
At press time, Anton was seen waking up before dawn to take his Pokémon for a walk.
