SILENT HILL – A wonderful day about town came to a screeching halt as Benjamin Moore, a well-traveled everyman, drove through Silent Hill haunted by his traumatic past, residents confirmed.
According to eye-witness reports, blood curdling screams and a thick fog replaced the bird chirps and rays of sunshine that were making for a pretty normal day in this sleepy town.
“It’s just very inconsiderate to make your problems everyone else’s,’” local florist Patty Mills said, brandishing a shotgun and a windbreaker. “I’ve got problems too buddy, but you don’t see me ruining everyones’ day with fog and fetus monsters.”
Silent Hillian Weston Payne and his family say they were looking forward to their annual trip to Lakeside Amusement Park. They now find themselves locked in their car, waiting for Moore to move on.
“Living in this beautiful town comes at a cost. Every once in a while, some trauma-dumping tourist rides on through and opens up The Otherworld. It’s just the price of small town living, I guess,” Payne said from a crack in his car door window. “Some people go to therapy to work out their issues. Others let their troubles manifest into phallic worm monsters that torment the locals.”
Going against the grain, some locals are in support of Moore as he faces whatever is eating him.
“The only way to paradise is through hell. We deserve all the suffering that will soon commence,” said a cloaked individual who refused to share their name. “The Order will rise again and we have Benjamin Moore and his daddy issues to thank for that. I wish a pleasant suffering to you all.”
At press time, mounds of flesh without arms, which I can only assume symbolize Moore’s cold relationship with his father, could be seen running amok on 5th street.
