Exciting news for diehard fans of the Super Nintendo classic Chrono Trigger who have been waiting over a decade for a way to replay the game on modern home consoles: death awaits you, and its cold embrace will free you from all worldly desires.
While there is some debate amongst theologians regarding what happens to an individual’s consciousness upon physical death, most fields of science agree that, mercifully, any of our hopes and dreams about playing Chrono Trigger on modern consoles die with us.
We reached out to fans of the seminal time travel RPG to get their thoughts on dying forever. Redondo Beach resident Mike Anthony expressed no small measure of relief.
“I thought when they were working on fixing the Steam version that a port was a sure thing. I was gutted that there’s been no word on that,” Mr. Anthony said. “To know that I’ll be embraced by an endless void from which there’s no return, and that any hope I had for a port will be nothing but a memory surviving friends and family could recall, is at least some consolation.”
Atlanta native Amanda Malecki echoed Mr. Anthony’s sentiment, telling us, “I’ve always said that I’d rather not exist than be deprived of going on adventures with Crono and the gang again, so I’m pretty chuffed to find out that not existing anymore is an inescapable inevitability.”
Nick Stapleton, a particular fan of the 16- and 32-bit era of Square Enix RPGs, was perhaps the most excited.
“I try to tell myself to be cool whenever there’s a Nintendo Direct, or PlayStation Showcase, or Xbox whatever-they-call-it,” Mr. Stapleton told us. “Then, without fail, I start hyping myself up. Maybe they’ll announce a port of Chrono Trigger, or Xenogears, or Vagrant Story, or Final Fantasy Tactics, or Parasite Eve. It’s like they don’t even want my money. Thank God for the inexorable encroachment of nothingness.”
When reached for comment, a Square Enix representative responded with the following statement:
“Square Enix is thrilled to have so many passionate fans of our beloved back-catalog of classic games, and we wish those fans a speedy, painless death.”
