CARY, N.C. — A new employee at Epic Games reportedly attended several meetings populated with bots before being let into one with human coworkers, unbeknownst to him, sources have confirmed.
“Well, that went well,” said Wes Crandall, following his employee initiation meeting that he unknowingly participated in alongside 99 shockingly lifelike robots. “I didn’t expect to hold my own in a meeting right away on day one, but I really did! I was shy at first, but once I got comfortable and won a few of those stupid games I started to loosen up in there. Everyone was laughing at all my jokes, and by the end one girl asked me to meet up for drinks after work sometime. I just couldn’t believe it. Man, I really fucking crushed it in there. I can’t wait for some more meetings.”
The unconventional style of onboarding new employees by having them interact with robots was defended by Epic executives, who insist their workers’ best interests are in mind.
“We know it can be really overwhelming if you get hired and come to a meeting and suddenly you’re in there with guys that have been coming to these for years, just shooting off feedback and shielding themselves from criticism,” said Tim Sweeney, CEO of Epic Games. “So we just like to ease the new hire in by giving them an accurate simulation of how one of these meetings might go. It helps to give our newest workers a lot of confidence before they see how unprepared they truly are for our toxic culture in a week or two.”
As of press time, Crandall had been asked to leave his first fully staffed meeting shortly after it started due to a series of poorly received comments.
