SAN FRANCISCO – Around lunchtime on Friday, Jordan Greggs received a cryptic calendar invite from his boss scheduled for 4:30 PM that is now blocking fast travel, sources confirmed.
“It’s been a totally normal Friday. I even had plans to jet out a little early today to go on a hike with my girlfriend,” Greggs said. “Then all of a sudden I get a notification about a new meeting set on my calendar for late this afternoon. It’s weird…my boss hasn’t said a word to me all day, and then this popped up. I went to check out the details and it just says ‘Company Update.’ Also, as soon as I opened the event this ominous background music began to play and it’s taking me twice as long to get to the damn bathroom.”
“I’m not sure what’s going on or if I should be worried about my job,” Greggs continued. “The company’s been doing great financially. We made 3 billion dollars last year. I mean, obviously it was less than the 4 billion dollars we made the year before, and I have seen some chatter that investors are concerned…oh no. I’ve gotta stock up on Post-its from the supply closet because I probably won’t get another chance once I go into this. And it’s gonna take me half an hour to walk all the way over there from my desk now.”
Greggs’s boss, Joe Masterson, attempted to assuage any concerns.
“What meeting? Oh, the one late today? Yeah — sorry to say, but my team is scheduled until 5PM on Fridays,” Masterson said. “So that meeting is still technically during working hours. Look, it’s less than ideal for everyone, but sometimes these things just have to be done. There’s nothing to be concerned about, nothing at all. Especially if one of your concerns is having enough free time to hike. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to put fog over some areas on the office mini-map.”
Alice Rice, Gregg’s HR Representative, had mysteriously little to say on the matter.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have any insight into personal meetings on employee calendars,” said Rice. “One thing I will say is that if you have a meeting scheduled with your manager, it’s important to attend — even if it does feel inconveniently timed. And no, I cannot confirm or deny that once employees believe the meeting with their main boss is complete, I will emerge from behind a turned-off camera to escalate the situation further. No more questions, please.”
At press time, Masterson was moving quietly through the hallways avoiding eye contact with all of his direct reports.
