MISSOULA, MONTANA — After a four-decade manhunt, the FBI’s search for the notorious “Bomberman” came to an explosive conclusion this Tuesday when a daring midnight raid on a rural Missoula Cabin led to the arrest of prime suspect John Bomberman.
The arrest ended a string of bombings that have baffled authorities and delighted gamers since the late 1980s. Though the frequency of these attacks has decreased greatly since their peak in the 1990’s, authorities were glad to have the perpetrator in handcuffs.
“We had various leads indicating our suspect was some kind of small robot in a white gimp suit,” said senior FBI agent Judith Delecto, “but what really closed the case was a tip-off from the suspect’s close friend Black Bomberman”.
The bombing spree, which originally began in Peace Town but later shifted north to Diamond City, caused cataclysmic damage. Forensic specialist Guillermo Sanchez recounts, “The bombing spree killed dozens of these strange cycloptic ball monsters, and animated balloons, as well as destroying millions of dollars worth of brick walls covering hidden doors. This guy was a real sick puppy.”
A search of the terrorist’s cabin revealed several bombs, a manifesto, and several illegal items like the Skull powerup, which indicates the 10 year old Japanese expat had machinations of bioterrorism. They also found correspondence with someone he referred to as ‘Dr. Ein’ who seems to be the one supplying him with some of these items. Police sent out an APB for this man, describing him as “a short rotund older man with spiky white hair, usually wearing glasses and a lab coat”
The FBI released a snippet of the manifesto, which read “Bomberman can only rely on bombs of his own production for his defense. Will Bomberman ever make it to the surface? Once there, will he really become human?”
At press time, the FBI announced another manhunt, as the terrorist somehow put a large hole in the wall of his holding cell and escaped.
