SAINT PAUL, Minn. – An anonymous former Digital Café employee has come forward about a massive crunch during development of beloved cereal propaganda Chex Quest in a recent Twitter thread.
“The physical toll was brutal, but the higher ups didn’t care – all they wanted was to deepen their pockets and create the Chex Warrior. Typical executives, only caring about the sentient cereal men of their own creation,” lamented the former employee.
In a modern gaming landscape where workplace abuses are becoming all the more common, it’s up to brave developers to come forward about the corporate funded genetically modified cereal-human hybrid atrocities against God only seen behind closed doors.
“We were in development hell for over a decade – Chex Quest actually started off as an English port of this little known Japanese Famicom game Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic, but the technology for sentient chex men just wasn’t there at the time so the license ended up going to Nintendo,” commented the developer.
Many nostalgia-blind recreational propaganda consumers questioned the legitimacy of the developer’s claims, stating: “There’s no way the government would allow unregulated workplace abuses or sentient cereal-human hybrid people to roam the earth – it’s just not possible!”
The former developer went on to reminisce over the 10 year long development cycle, posting “The first batch of chex-human hybrid people were very aggressive, with a tendency to get a bit quirky during the constant never ending night shifts. It all eventually culminated in what we call ‘the bite of ‘87’ – when a bunch of the newbies got fed up with the greed of the higher ups and decided to try and eat the original Chex Warrior to assert their dominance.”
“We lost some good men that day, but the Chex Warrior ultimately survived. His wounds were mostly cranial, so the scientists behind his creation ended up repurposing the cereal-human hybrid with major brain damage into the company’s next CEO.”
Digital Café would go on to be eventually liquidated in 1998, dissolving the Chex Warrior of his role as CEO and any guilt he might have over the workplace abuses behind his creation.
