Hi! I’m Abby, one of the most loved characters in The Last of Us videogame series. Beyond my beautiful biceps, there’s a lot you probably don’t know about me. For instance, I have a deep fascination with golf. My dream has always been to mentor new golfers and introduce them to this fantastic game. So, without further ado, behold my 20 best golfing tips!
20. Hit The Gym
Those balls don’t hit themselves! Golf is all about that brutal force you can inflict on those golf balls. Or anyone else in the field who betrays you. So you have to be prepared for anything. Hit those crunches and bells. Pull-ups, deadlifts, and vengeance-based cardio prepare you for an 18-hole game and hunting down whoever broke your heart into pieces.
19. If You Miss It’s Not Ok
You missed your ball even though the owner of the golf club said “golf is joy.” Nothing is worse than a golf club that fails you. Find the owner of the club and kill him. Make him suffer.
18. Practice Practice Practice
Best way to become superior to everyone else is to practice. I usually smash the skulls of my enemies in my backyard when practicing for a tournament. Best way to get the juices flowing is to hit your enemy in the head with a golf club. You can also try other parts of the body like legs, torso or arms.
17. Grip It Like You Mean It
Think of your golf club as a tool for justice. You don’t just hold a club, you wield it. Every swing brings you closer to satisfaction. Every swing is sacred.
16. Practice Your Poker Face
Whether you’re lining up a putt or pretending not to care about the past, the key is to look like nothing fazes you, even if it does. Like, say, someone killed your dad, and all you want is to completely destroy their life the way they destroyed yours.
15. Choose the Right Club for the Job
What is your weapon of choice? Sure drive is great for distance and 9-iron for precision. But when you pull out this bad boy, the trusty club of death. That’s for… personal end game.
14. Trash Talk with Precision
Remind your opponents of their inevitable mortality before they tee off. Watch as they start to tremble and miss the ball one swing after another. Confidence is key. Your battle hardened confidence. Holding a gun to their face is an added bonus.
13. Channel Your Anger
When the memory of your dad creeps in, don’t fight it. Use it. Pour that fiery mix of grief and rage into your swing. Every shot should feel personal. Like you’re hitting it straight through someone’s head. Use the mantra:”Kill” while meditating.
12. Apologies are Overrated
Never apologize. Kill.
11. Aim for the Knees
Here is a fun trick. Some say aim for the green. That’s weak. When in doubt, aim for anything kneecap-height. Knees don’t dodge and even if they do, you can always hit twice.
10. Trend Setter
Golf gloves? Cute. Bloody hands? Iconic. When you step onto the golf course, it’s crucial to strike just the right amount of psychological fear into your enemies from the moment they lay eyes on you. You just killed someone who betrayed you in the Golf Resort’s bathroom? Perfect! Don’t wash your hands.
9. Scorecards Are for the Weak
Real winners don’t keep score. They keep count of their enemies. The more you kill your enemies the more you get new ones. Winner takes it all.
8. Every Game Is a War
Your opponents are reminders of the people who took everything from you. Play like you’re swinging against their moral compass. With one purpose in mind. To kill.
7. Never Let Them See You Cry
Tears blur your vision, and blurred vision ruins your shot. Cry later, after you’ve crushed the course and left everyone questioning their life choices. Golf is a tough game but you are tougher.
6. Build Strength Through Suffering
What is the most important thing in golfing besides your golf bag? It is the emotional baggage you carry with you to every game. Every missed putt and painful memory makes you stronger. Every pain inflicted to your opponents fills that empty void inside.
5. The Wind Is For Amateurs
Tiger Woods might have used the wind to nail that hole in one. But real heroes use the storm inside to their advantage. Let the tempest within drive the ball farther than any tailwind ever could.
4. Leave A Mark
Every game should end with something or someone broken into pieces. A dented club, a shattered trophy, a skull crushed memory. True winners leave a legacy of destruction.
3. Stay on Target, Even When It Hurts
Distractions kill, both on the green and off. Block out the screams of your past and focus on the ball, not the haunting echoes of your dad’s voice. And how do you block them you might ask? By brutal violence.
2. Revenge Is a Par 3
Just like golf, revenge takes patience, focus, and the willingness to ruin someone else’s day. Always be prepared to sink the putt where it hurts the most.
1. If You Can’t Win, Make Them Regret Playing
Hey, let’s face it. There are many ways to win a game of golf. Even if you don’t score the lowest strokes, ensure everyone else leaves emotionally scarred. Just kill your opponent’s whole family. Sometimes the best victories are psychological.
