Dear Hard Drive,
I’ve been saving money for a while now to build my own computer, but whenever I go to order the parts I’ve been dreaming about, they are often sold out, or even worse, being marked up by people merely buying them to flip. All of my PC gaming friends told me that building my own rig was the only way to go, but they all have years and years of experience and know-how, and frankly, I’m starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. So here’s my question, Hard Drive. Should I continue trying to build my dream PC, or should I just chuck myself into the ocean and pray for a quick death?
I know it might seem like an extreme thing to do, but building a PC has always been somewhat of a dream of mine. I grew up playing mostly consoles, but was always fascinated by the power and customization that is available with a personal computer. To say nothing of LAN parties, upgradable parts, and those neato keyboards with the pretty lights.
As I grew into an adult that had more responsibilities and made more money, I still just wanted to keep playing video games. Clearly something was wrong with me and I spent the early part of my adulthood ignoring my true passions and doing awful shit like playing horseshoes with my coworkers. Fuck that. Luckily the stigma of video games being exclusively for kids is gone now, and there are ways to be an adult gamer. In addition to tapping into the tidal wave of rage that crashes inside of you at all times, building your own gaming PC is one of the best ways to signal that you are in fact one of these grown-up gamers.
But alas, my mature conquest is not to be, as the graphics cards I barely fucking understand aren’t even readily available. If I can’t build the computer of my dreams, well, my question is should I instead just crawl out into the ocean and let it take me, and at least then I wouldn’t have my humble hopes of the occasional evening spent playing Age of Empires IV thwarted by technology and the machinations of capitalism?
Or should I not do the ocean thing, and instead hold out hope that maybe I can get my hands on a new RTX 4000 when they come out? Do you have any leads on that sort of thing?
Again though, super willing to just Virginia Woolf my ass into the Pacific if you think that sounds like it makes more sense. Lmk!
— Seriously Evaluating All My Achievable Notions
Dear SEAMAN,
Whoa dude, we really don’t think you should be doing anything irresponsible like trying to build a gaming PC in 2022, but we also really really don’t think you should chuck yourself into the ocean and call that a plan either. You’re gonna be pissed, but we don’t think you should do either of the things you’ve asked us to choose between. Sorry — our mail bag, our rules.
Also, we never decided to start a mail bag column! Would you all please stop sending us handwritten letters about your innermost fears and concerns? We just want to make jokes about Mario’s balls!
But okay, since we’re talking, have you thought about getting back into console gaming? If you haven’t paid attention to the latest generation of gaming hardware, the home console experience has actually made great strides towards being just as frustrating as the PC gaming scene. Why, did you know that a lot of people still can’t get their hands on a PlayStation 5, no matter how hard they try? Between that, buggy launches, and mandatory updates when you try to sit down and play your favorite game, inconvenience at every turn isn’t only for the snobby PC gamers of the world anymore!
So yeah, maybe you should consider getting back into console gaming. And after you can’t get your hands on what you’re looking for, just download Fortnite on your phone or something. And for god’s sake, stay away from the beach!
