SAN FRANCISCO – As advertisers pull out en masse from Elon Musk’s X, formerly known as Twitter, one maker of sex toys (a company called Suctional) showed support by vowing to keep badgering people with ads for its line of vibrators.
“Racial hatred is never OK. However, that pales in comparison to the damage women around the world feel when their g-spot isn’t being simultaneously stimulated with our vibrator’s super strength clit-sucking technology,” said Mona Bluth, CEO and founder of Suctional, the company behind the ads. “We’re going to jackhammer our marketing campaign like never before. Our team will be scouting any tweet that gets above 20 likes. Anime memes, BTS fancams, false flag conspiracy theories, you name it. With all other advertisers gone, that leaves a big hole – and we will fill, stretch, and pound that hole.“
High-profile users of X, formerly known as Twitter, are finding scrolling through the site to get much more uncomfortable, and not just because of the alleged anti-semitism of its owner.
“My grandma posted that she was making chicken pot pie for dinner and somehow got a vibrator deal out of it,” said @Edward03265317, who hasn’t quit the site only out of severe social media addiction. “It wasn’t always like this. Back when it was Twitter, you’d only see an ad for a libido-quenching machine in between ads for Frosted Flakes and the new Disney movie,” continued the user, who has over 40 followers. “Though, the holiday season is coming up, maybe it would make a good Christmas gift for Grandma.”
Elon Musk has been retweeting support for the only company in the world he doesn’t own that wants to advertise on X after his recent comments.
“Suctional may be the last supporters of free speech,” one message retweeted by Musk read, continuing below in another threaded comment, “While I’ve never bought one of their products and ultimately believe the jew-controlled porn industry has normalized these tools which destroy the beautiful purity of our White women, I may purchase one out of support.”
“True,” Elon replied.
While X is sure to be relieved by the continued support of one of its strongest supporters, we still have yet to hear if the adorable chubby seal pillow also stands with the site.
