LOS ANGELES — The first official trailer for Wonka, a prequel chronicling the rise of famed candy magnate Willy Wonka, was released earlier today to much critical acclaim, specifically how the film directly confronts the chocolatier’s problematic history with the infamous North Atlantic Oompa Loompa trade.
“Our team feels that it is so important, now more than ever, to be accountable,” said Wonka director Paul King at a recent press conference. “Willy Wonka played a complicit, sickening role in the trafficking of the Indigenous peoples of Loompaland. As a studio director, I simply cannot fathom the kind of person that would round up a group of disenfranchised, hungry people and force them to do dangerous jobs, for long hours, and little to no pay. It’s unacceptable.”
“This film will not glorify the horrific actions of Willy Wonka,” he added. “This is not an apologetic film.”
When reached for comment, an anonymous representative of Roald Dahl’s estate held a strongly differing opinion from King’s.
“I can’t believe that the woke agenda has been allowed to infect yet another precious and cherished children’s tale,” the representative said. “Tell me, just what was so wrong with what Wonka did? He came to a vicious, savage land and offered these people a shining beacon of white light. A chance at hope, prosperity, and an endless supply of very normal candy that’s never hurt anyone in bizarre or macabre ways. He rescued them from a harsh, unforgiving third world country and all he asked for in return was 24/7 indentured servitude. You know what that sounds like to me? A savior.”
Timothée Chalamet, the star of the film portraying the titular Wonka, seemed engaged in an entirely separate level of the discourse.
“It’s so fucking funny to hang out with little orange guys all day, man. It’s tight as hell,” said Chalamet. “These dudes are mad chill once you kick back with them for a while. Some of them weren’t so cool with Hugh Grant doing the whole ‘orange face’ thing, but they know it’s in good faith. They’ve seen Tropic Thunder — it’s straight. We’re kicking back like 10% of box office to the Loompaland UNICEF branch or something anyway. They even invited me to the cookout! That’s how you know it’s okay”
At press time, it was heard that several Oompa Loompa’s rights activists had joined the WGA picket line outside of Warner Bros., all joining in the chant “OOMPA LOOMPA, DOOPITY DOO, WE DEMAND REPARATIONS FROM YOU”
