BURBANK, Calif. — Warner Bros. excited shareholders this week by showing off the first official look at The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie which is slated as the next Looney Tunes movie to be scrapped for tax purposes.
The image was revealed alongside a press release from Warner Bros. CEO and avid scrapped film lover David Zaslav.
“It brings me great pleasure to show off the first look at what was planned to be the first fully animated theatrical Looney Tunes movie. This studio was born out of these cartoons and its existence will continue to flourish because of the tax write-offs that scrapping their movies brings us. I have no doubt that this image will excite fans and filmgoers who will look forward to finally seeing a new Looney Tunes film in theaters and that excitement will translate into immense profit once we throw it in the bin.”
Warner Bros. Chief Content Strategist Carla Phelps explained the strategy to show off a first look at a film they plan to never release.
“The key to all of this is the algorithm. You see the algorithm sees all and knows all. There is no greater film analyst than the algorithm. All the executives here at Warner Bros. get together weekly to pray to it,” said Phelps. “Our internal algorithm determines if a movie our studio is making is worth releasing or not. Then once the decision is made we release a first look for a final test. If enough people react positively to it then the algorithm decides how much we should write it off for when we cancel it. If enough people react negatively to it then the algorithm decides on when we should release it.”
David Zaslav further elaborated on the algorithm used to determine that the upcoming Looney Tunes film will be scrapped.
“It’s actually just a wheel I have in my office filled with movies I don’t like or understand. There’s a running pool in the office over which movie it will land on next. It actually landed on The Hunt for Gollum but enough people reacted with skepticism to it so we put it on the release schedule and I spun again. I love my job. Movies suck.”
At press time, inside sources report that Zaslav’s wheel consists of mostly Looney Tunes films.
