EDMONTON — A woman has received a Facebook message from a man she dumped over ten years ago in what relationship experts are calling a case of “delayed post-pixie dream girl mania,” according to reports.
Sources confirm Justin Beaker was 21 years old in 2010, the year Scott Pilgrim vs. The World had its theatrical release. He reportedly asked Kelsey Sommerbea out shortly after he saw the film because of her reported similarities to Ramona Flowers. Sommerbea dumped Beaker after three weeks, citing “personal issues” that she had to work through on her own.
“Yeah, that was a lie,” said Sommerbea of the decade-old breakup. “It was him, not me. He seemed to think I was some kind of free spirit whose patient authenticity was going to profoundly change him forever. He must have got the wrong idea because I was wearing galaxy leggings when we met. They were still new and hip then, I’m pretty sure it was his first time seeing them.”
Sommerbea was surprised to hear from Beaker after so many years. Having personally witnessed him go through his midlife crisis early, she assumed he would not be going through it again now that he is actually middle aged, sources confirmed.
The short-lived relationship was a romantic whirlwind for Beaker, who took the wrong message away from the film then and is hoping to rekindle the flame now. When he heard about the new animated Scott Pilgrim series – which he has not yet watched – he was flooded with feelings of nostalgia for the gross misinterpretations he made in his youth.
“She came into my life like a supernova,” said Beaker, who would have fallen hard for any woman in a thrifted cardigan or slightly obscure band t-shirt at the time. “So mysterious and free, but with secrets of her own. A beautiful enigma, a living expression of the truths that live in me. I wonder what she’s doing now, if she’s still gliding through life on polished rainbows.”
Sommerbea currently works in accounts payable at the same construction supply warehouse where she served as an intern while she dated Beaker.
“I don’t think he remembers I was in accounting school when we went out,” she said. “I’m not sure he realized it then either. I think he thought that roller derby charity event I participated in one time was my full time job.”
Since the anime’s release, Sommerbea has received similar messages from at least six other exes. Sources close to the situation confirmed she has no plans to open any of them.
