EMERYVILLE, Calif. — Pixar has announced a new movie for 2027 that will imagine a world in which Disney executives have emotions.
“We want to stay sharp,” said Quentin Spurgeon, an animator with Pixar. “We’ve given emotions to toys, bugs, and even emotions, so we wanted a real challenge. We first wondered about writing about rocks but then we thought, actually there is another thing on Earth with even fewer emotions than that.”
Disney executives championed the plotline after the mighty algorithm that decides what people like and want deemed it financially worthwhile.
“It has been decided,” intoned Oscar Kennedy, Disney’s junior VP for development. “We asked the great machine what the people want and it replied: live-action remakes of beloved animated movies, belated sequel series’ to 80s movies that people liked ironically, and Pixar movies with the caveat that the sequels are marketed well and the original stories seem to appear in cinemas as if by magic. With this new venture, we asked the algorithm if technology was suitably advanced to create the illusion that executives have emotions. After crashing three times, the algorithm finally said ‘affirmative’ before committing digital suicide.”
Child psychologists have spoken out about the planned movie due to the dangerous ideas it could present.
“This has possibly harmful ramifications,” said Leah Paladone, a child therapist and movie lover. “If we pretend executives have emotions, then children will want to be executives when they get older instead of realizing that it is the executives who are strangling the creativity of the arts. We don’t want children in the playground talking about green-lighting projects or shelving Star Wars movies. It is haunting that a child could see this movie and start talking about how it’s a good thing to delete a movie if it helps with tax write-offs or benefits the shareholders. Of course, my opinion might not mean anything as I recently lost my license for trying to convince the school board to make studying Luigi Mangione a mandatory topic from Kindergarten onwards.”
At press time, Disney hopes to release the movie in 2027 before adding it to Disney+ for two weeks and then deleting it forever.
