KORIN’S TOWER, Earth — Yajirobe, a libertarian member of Earth’s Special Forces, is reportedly refusing to donate any of his spiritual energy to the spirit bomb currently being generated by the hero Goku, according to sources.
“Good? Evil? In my opinion, both sides are bad,” said the pudgy ronin as he ate a hunk of meat with the bone still in it. “Kid Buu is clearly some kind of inhuman monster, but Goku isn’t so great either. He’s a deadbeat dad who doesn’t earn any money and he’ll leave his wife and kids at any moment to go fight strange men. So why should I give him any of my precious Ki? I need my Ki to keep my strength up so I can eat food. Anyone who gets in the way of me living my life is no friend of mine.”
Korin, Yajirobe’s boss who happens to be a large talking cat, isn’t allowed to push his leftist views on employees according to HR standards in the Dragon Ball universe.
“It makes me sad to see today’s youth so politically inactive,” said Korin, Yajirobe’s boss, who happens to be an 800-year old large talking cat. “We have an extinction-level battle going on between good and evil every damn month, but Yajirobe hardly ever helps. He told me the Senzu Beans I asked him to deliver to heal Earth’s Special Forces are a form of welfare and that if anyone needs a Senzu Bean, they should climb Korin’s Tower on their own. Yajirobe told me he objects to Senzu Bean handouts philosophically, but I don’t see him refusing the free room and board I give him. He’s just a lazy bastard who’s full of shit.”
Goku, earth’s greatest protector, is currently collecting Ki from the world in a collectivist act to defeat the evil Kid Buu and says he doesn’t appreciate the protest.
“I don’t understand politics, but I think there are some things that are simply right and wrong. Helping people who are in need is right. Letting a friend stand around completely defenseless as he collects Ki to defeat an evil monster is wrong,” said Goku, a man who was once quite literally confirmed to be pure of heart by the Flying Nimbus. “Someone on this planet is holding out on me, I can feel it. It’s that damn Yajirobe again, isn’t it?” said Goku as he weathered another pink laser beam Kid Buu shot out of his mouth.
At press time, Yajirobe was last seen eating rice balls shaped like triangles while watching South Park.
