LOS ANGELES — Social media was buzzing this morning after some weird Star Wars character you’ve never heard of was confirmed to be making their first appearance in an upcoming Disney+ show.
“Holy shit, they’re putting Charb Oohtooo in the new season of Mandalorian, that’s sooooo fucking dope,” said a friend of yours, who swore they weren’t making the character up. “I’m surprised you haven’t you haven’t heard of Charb! You told me you’ve been a Star Wars fan all your life. Didn’t you read the Bespin Nights comics? Or play the Star Wars: Jedi Clone games? Charb is in, like, pretty much all of that stuff.”
Despite what you thought was your overall familiarity with Star Wars and its extended universe, further reading of social media revealed that you were in fact the only one that’s never heard of this character, which appears to have been around for a while?
“Charb Oohtooo LET’S GOOOOOO,” read a tweet from another close friend of yours, one that you’d swear you would remember if they’d said the word ‘Charb’ to you. “Obviously I’m a little worried that they’re bringing one of my favorite characters to life on the screen, but I don’t care, I’m just so excited about the possibility of seeing someone so iconic in the flesh. I really hope they get the casting right. I could see Steve Buscemi being good, but honestly, Channing Tatum could do it, too. Or maybe Angelina Jolie.”
Oddly, every damn last friend of yours was either shocked or disappointed to find out that you’d never picked up on how beloved Charb Oohtooo was.
“You read the Expanded Universe stuff, right?” asked your stepfather, Cal. “No, not the Legends Expanded Universe, you fucking dipshit. I mean the NEW Expanded Universe stuff. If you didn’t watch that Rise of the Shadows show that came on Saturday mornings that you swore was aimed at children, I’m afraid all this Charb stuff is gonna be pretty confusing for you. Poser.”
As of press time, getting caught up with Charb Oohtooo seemed like it was gonna be a whole thing and you just fired up A New Hope again.
