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Cackling Brendan Fraser Removes Fat Suit and Hair Piece After Long Con for Oscar Pays Off

LOS ANGELES — After accepting his academy award for his performance in the 2022 drama The Whale, Brendan Fraser shocked the academy by removing a fat suit and prosthetics showing he had been carefully orchestrating his sympathetic comeback.

“You fools! You actually fell for my ruse!” Fraser said, revealing his glistening 2007-era physique. “My alimony? My weight gain? My career downfall? All pure theater! And every one of you ate it up. You should be ashamed of yourselves. You just wanted to see a down-on-his-luck guy get back up again, but I have been meticulously manufacturing every moment of it to win one of acting’s highest honors. You weren’t going to give it to the square-jawed action hunk, so I had to take matters into my own beautiful, tan hands.”

Fellow Best Actor nominee Austin Butler said that while it seemed unethical, Fraser’s real-life performance was breathtaking. 

“I truly believed he was this beaten down sad sack for so long,” Butler said. “His performance in The Whale was pretty good, but to devote years of your life to wearing complicated makeup and hair every day is insane. You have to admire the commitment, though. I remember talking to him before the ceremony, he was so humble and soft spoken, but when I went to congratulate him at the after party he flicked my nose, flexed his giant biceps and walked away. What an actor.”

At press time, sources reported that Fraser had also won the Oscar for best makeup and hairstyling for his standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival.