HUGE HALO PS5 CALL OF DUTY PS5 NEWS!
Calling all gamers! One of the most huge, epic NINTENDO CROSSOVER and GOD OF WAR: RAGNAROK news has just hit the world: Hard Drive News is now using game titles in our headlines for site traffic.
This is not just a cheap ploy to get on the google news feed of all POKEMON SCARLET or STAR WARS fans. Anyone who loves GIANT STEAM SALES or LEAGUE OF LEGENDS HACKS will be ecstatic to learn that we now will debase ourselves for your attention and clicks.
Some of it may be completely fabricated, like the SUPER SMASH BROS. ULTIMATE LEAKS that we’re currently photoshopping, or the massive MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE THEORIES that we’re spreading on Twitter, but that won’t stop us from giving readers the most scintillating, sexy made-up content the internet has to offer.
Whether true or fake, trust that all TWITCH SEX SCANDAL NEWS or FREE LEGO GIVEAWAYS will draw users to our site, effectively providing the most important part of internet news: revenue.
If you don’t think it’ll work, ask yourself this question: how are you here right now? You likely clicked the article, you stupid little pig. Now that you did what you’re supposed to do, you’re worthless to us. You make us sick.
Don’t like our content? Think that we are miserable corporate shills? Well, the only way you could possibly take us down or teach us a lesson would be to click on an article and comment below about how much you dislike it. Then, buying some of our merchandise ironically and never even wearing it.
You know what, you’re right. We should hold ourselves to a higher standard. Internet traffic isn’t what it used to be, but focusing on good, quality content is the only way to ensure longevity. We may not get the numbers or engagement we want, but at least we’ll have the integrity to say we never prostrated ourselves for an algorithm, and we tried to be comical and honorable until the very end.
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