DES MOINES, Iowa — Local father Robert Parker reportedly jumped at the chance to play Fortnite as Goku, the famous Dragon Ball Z character who does not take care of his son.
“Goku rocks. He’s so strong he can punch through a mountain,” explained Parker, 35, playing Fortnite on the living room couch only a few feet away from his son Matthew, 4. “Nobody can make Goku take his kid to the playground on Sundays when the Vikings are in preseason.”
Parker, a union electrician, said he dreams of living what he calls The Goku Lifestyle, and hopes the skin will allow him a form of escape.
“This is a guy who fights all day, and he doesn’t have to watch his son because he’s dead half the time. That means he can go to the bar any night of the week he wants,” said Parker, who also mimics Goku by eating meat very quickly.
Matthew was quick to add his support to the conversation, shouting “Goku!” over and over again for the remainder of the interview.
“That’s right, Matty,” Parker confirmed with a hollow look behind his eyes. “Goku.”
When reached for comment, Child Protective Services insisted that purchasing a Fortnite skin does not merit state intervention regardless of context.