ATLANTA — Reports from the set of Marvel’s upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 claim the film has undergone severe and swift budget cuts, forcing the traditionally-iconic soundtrack of retro pop hits to be replaced by entirely public domain songs from the YouTube Audio Library.
“Since letting me back on board after firing me, this time Disney is reigning me in a bit,” said Guardians 3 director James Gunn. “Initially, we wanted some great ’70s powerhouse hits to underscore the plucky space adventures like Electric Light Orchestra and Cheap Trick, but the licensing rights caused the studio to balk a bit. Now, all the high-octane shootouts will have these bright, upbeat instrumentals that YouTube was just giving away for free. It’s not ideal, sure, but we doubt people will even really notice. It’s justified in-universe as well, when Starlord, played by Chris Pratt, finds a YouTube account from his mother that used all sorts of royalty-free audio library songs to play over the series of Lets Plays and Vlogs she left for her young son before she died.”
Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige said the budget had to be cut after recent backlash to the MCU.
“People always complain that we’re just blatantly throwing around money on the screen and that the needle drops in the movies feel a bit forced,” Feige stated in a press conference. “Here’s a solution to both you ungrateful fucks. Now the Guardians of the Galaxy are going to have a quippy space heist while a mediocre, anonymous piano plinks away in the background. No Jackson 5 or Redbone, you get the same one repeating xylophone track that’s in all the 5-minute craft videos. We’ll just slap an ‘Awesome Mix Vol. 3’ on a casset or vinyl record and you stupid bastards will still shell out $35.99 for it at Disneyland gift shops, won’t you? Hell, we even got people to watch Thor 4.”
At press time, leaks inside Marvel confirmed that further budget cuts had also required the entirety of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 to take place in one singular room.