DECATUR, Ga. — A recently hired copy editor has grown terrified that his new coworkers will discover that he’s the lone record holder of 1995’s disgusting platformer Boogerman.
“Oh my god, they’re going to find out, I just know it,” said Ray Landry, of his world record speedrun of Boogerman for Sega Genesis that clocked in 27 minutes and two seconds, the highest recorded score of the game. “I know gaming has come a long way and is generally accepted as a mainstream hobby, but that’s like Madden and Call of Duty and shit. Not spending months of your life shaving seconds off of your time in the Flatulent Swamps or trying to find new strategies to beat the Booger Meister. Oh man, I guess I shouldn’t get too comfortable in the new cubicle, huh?”
As Landry anticipated, many of his new coworkers were delighted at the notion of a world champion video game player joining their ranks.
“Oh, he’s a gamer, too?” asked Calvin Dotson, a fellow copy editor that works in Landry’s office. “I just spent all weekend playing Splitgate with some of the guys from work, what an incredible shooter. Oh, and I just threw my son a Fortnite themed 12th birthday party. Sounds like me and this new fella will have a lot to talk about! I wonder if he likes PlayStation or Xbox. Can’t wait to look this guy up and see what his world records are all about.”
Landry’s wife has reportedly grown tired of the wariness associated with his single greatest accomplishment.
“I don’t understand my husband,” said Frances Landry. “He spends a damn year playing the booger game, but then he makes me swear not to mention it at family get-togethers and parties. What’s the point of holding a world record if it embarrasses you to your core? And why make an entire game about a Booger Man? And he thinks my hobbies are weird.”
As of press time, Landry had again been dismissed from his new company without severance.