PALM BEACH, Fla. — Standing at 6 feet, 7 inches, Barron Trump, the son of former President Donald Trump, announced that he will continue to grow until his parents finally buy him a PlayStation 5.
“It started off innocently enough. At first, we could offer him V-bucks, just to get him to slow things down for a minute,” his nanny said. “But in the end, that only made him more insatiable.”
Sources close to the family confirmed that Barron’s mother Melania has become fed up.
“I tell him, ‘You have the Xbox. You have the Nintendo. Can’t you just wait until Christmas?’ Melania reportedly complained to a friend. “But then he answers with this booming, feral voice, ‘I will not wait until Christmas. I want to play as Miles Morales now.’”
When reminded that Spider Man: Miles Morales was also available on the PS4, Trump reportedly grew another 4 inches on the spot.
Despite being the child of a billionaire, Trump’s demands were difficult to meet in the scarce PS5 market. With time running short, security advisors suggested buying one on Ebay. However, former President Trump refused to pay a cent above the retail price.
“He needs to buy his son one of those damn consoles before it’s too late,” said renowned geologist Martin Anderson. “If he continues to grow at this pace, the Florida swampland will no longer be able to sustain his weight. He could sink the entire Mar-a-Lago Resort.”
When asked to comment, Barron swallowed an entire family pack of ramen noodles whole and said, “Barron want gamer fuel! Barron want gamer fuel!”
