Link Missing After US Military Blows Up King of Red Lions
CARIBBEAN SEA — Scattered flotsam is all that remains of Link’s ship after being struck by the US military, according…
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Tim Graham
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Mega Man Ruthlessly Beats the Shit Out of Ice Man
MEGA CITY — Robot hero Mega Man inflicted a prolonged, brutal beating upon his adversary Ice Man, according to horrified…
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Dad Puts Life Advice Behind Paywall
EVERETT, Mass. — Father of three Paul Danvers announced he has ceased dispensing guidance unless his adult children pay up,…
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Kid Claims Uncle Who Works at Nintendo Told Him Cafeteria Has the Good Fish Sticks Again
REDMOND, Wash. — The cafeteria at Nintendo of America’s headquarters is once more serving “the good fish sticks,” according to…
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Nervous Sims Can Already Tell Woman Had a Bad Day at Work
SHEILATOWN — A terrified Sims family could tell within moments of interacting with their overlord Sheila Parker that she’d had…
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Leaked Internal Sega Memo Confirms Tails Has Two Buttholes
TOKYO — Newly revealed documents dating back to the early 1990s substantiate the long-running rumor that Sonic the Hedgehog’s vulpine…
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