PALLET TOWN — Professor Oak was seen visibly confused over the weekend after once again forgetting his own grandson’s name while handing out another Pokédex to the town’s newest trainer, sparking fresh health concerns from citizens across the region, sources confirm.
“He looks awful! He’s asking random children if they know his own grandson’s name. The man is not well!” said Jamie Taggert, a journalist from Viridian City who covers socio-political Pokémon news across Kanto. “The Professor is expected to push the boundaries of the relationships between people and Pokémon, and Oak simply does not have the mental capacity to deserve that title.”
Sources close to the professor have denied any allegations that his mental health is slipping. Some have even blamed the radical left-wing Lunatones for spreading misinformation online.
“The Professor has never been healthier! He just had a check-up last month and the Doctor told him he has never seen a healthier person in his life,” said Malory Fineberg, Professor Oak’s lead research assistant. “Any signs of forgetfulness is most likely attributed to a Drowzee experiment that was focusing closely on the effects of the move amnesia.”
Staunch supporters of the Professor have taken offense to the internet’s diagnosis, and have gone to lengths to defend Oak’s name on social media.
“Not sure why forgetting his grandon’s name once can even compare to the years and years of sleepy Professor Elm turning the once thriving Johto region into a cesspool of illegal immigrants,” said one Oak supporter on a Reddit post suggesting the Professor should resign. “Accept it, he’s your town’s professor, get over it, you lost, we won.”
At press time, one local 10-year-old has reminded Professor Oak that his grandson’s name is BUTTFACE.
This article is satirical. Hard Drive is a gaming/tech satire site. All content should be considered parody and entertainment purposes only.
