LOS ANGELES — Netflix executives held a conference today where they revealed that the final season of their hit program Stranger Things will be split into 8 single-episode seasons to be released over the course of 12 years.
“As a fellow fan of the series, I can tell you, this is exactly what we have all been clamoring for,” said Netflix Communications Director Lisa Fountain, who asked to be reminded if Stranger Things was the show about the women’s prison or the one with president Kevin Spacey. “This isn’t an attempt to slow our rapidly dropping subscriber numbers by trapping fans into longer subscriptions, it’s about giving people what they want. People want shorter seasons, more time between episodes, less content, and more ads. Of course these types of improvements will mean higher subscription fees.”
Series show creators Matt and Ross Duffer confirmed the new release schedule, while flinching anytime a Netflix executive made a sudden movement.
“This is 100% how we always envisioned the pacing of the final season,” Matt Duffer stated, while fearfully looking back to the executives for approval. “Netflix has been really awesome to work with. They do not beat us with sticks if we don’t hit our numbers. When they first came to us with this idea we said ‘great!’ We think it’s important that the audience has a hard time remembering what happened previously and that the final climactic season has a halting momentum.”
Market analysts are optimistic about what this means for Netflix’s profitability.
“This makes perfect economic sense,” stated Netflix investor Brian Gecko. “Anybody with a basic understanding of economics can tell you that a company that is increasingly antagonistic towards their customers has unlimited growth potential. The last thing you’d want to do is to make your customers happy. Happy customers don’t have a reason to spend money. Angry customers will try and spend their way out of the problem. Really, if a company starts actually listening to their customers, or trying to make their product better, that’s when Wall Street is going to turn on them.”
At press time, Netflix execs were discussing the possibility of removing every other season of Stranger Things as a tax write off.
