FRISCO, Texas. — Facing backlash over the announcement of an $80 price tag for their upcoming game Borderlands 4, Gearbox admitted the bump in price was a means of funding CEO Randy Pitchford’s trip to magic camp.
The publisher defended Pitchford’s actions in a press release posted on social media.
“Randy Pitchford is a brilliant, brilliant man who has entertained and delighted gamers and enjoyers of magic for decades now,” The company said. “Frankly, the least you ingrates could do is foot the bill for the six weeks he will spend at Criss Angel’s magic camp this summer. Criss and Randy really hit it off when they met at a Medieval Times last year and after swapping phone numbers and USB drives Criss invited him to attend his magic camp. Randy accepted but like all rich people he isn’t used to paying for things so we decided to pass the cost on to you, the consumer, and frankly the response has been appalling. You have the chance to make a multi-millionaire’s dreams come true, and frankly it’s about time the working class did something to show their gratitude.”
Pitchford himself sounded off on X – The Everything App, Blaze Your Glory, to defend himself from the ire of angry gamers.
“Anyone who complains about a little bump in price for Borderlands 4 is a fake fan,” Pitchford said. “We’ve given you fucks literally billions of guns to play with over the years, the least you can do is give me a few million bucks to cover the cost of Criss Angel’s magic camp. God knows I won’t be spending my own money, and if any of you tries to cross me I swear to God I will cut you in half. But you best believe it won’t be any kind of magic trick. I’ll leave your mangled corpse on the front porch of your parent’s house along with an $80 invoice for Borderlands 4. I invented Claptrap and Tiny Tina, the two most beloved characters in video games, and this is how you repay me? Just remember, don’t cross Pitchford unless you wanna get Pitchfucked.”
An anonymous source from within Gearbox who is currently working on Borderlands 4 spoke under the condition of anonymity to Hard Drive
“For the love of God please buy our game to get this guy out of our office for the six weeks he’ll be at magic camp,” The employee stated. “I have a whole drawer full of quarters Randy has found behind my ear and a dozen paper flower bouquets he won’t let me throw away for some reason. I know paying $20 more for a game will suck, but I promise you it won’t suck as much as seeing him sulk and terrorize us around the office if the game doesn’t make enough to pay his way there to share his weird porn with Criss Angel.”
At press time, Pitchford was seen flagging down random cars outside Gearbox HQ and asking the drivers to donate to his Criss Angel’s Magic Camp or Bust fund.
