WASHINGTON — Motivated by the outcries of countless Americans, House Democrats assembled last night to collaborate and draft a powerful and damning social media post, our sources confirm.
“It was an incredibly successful session, probably the most work we’ve gotten done all year.” said Rep. Donald Norcross of New Jersey sipping a celebratory cocktail in his chambers. “Next time Trump abuses his power, expect a swift retaliatory tweet that is sure to go viral.”
The outcome of the 2024 Election left the Democratic party’s image tarnished. As a result, liberal members of the House hired prestigious PR and social media teams to do damage control to win back the good will of their constituents.
“Being a politician these days isn’t about getting legislation passed, it’s about going viral on Tik Tok by criticizing the very establishment they were elected to fix,” said Maddy Kilmer, the Democratic Party’s Gen Z social media liaison. “All I need to do is run the captions through ChatGPT a couple times, find the right Real Housewives or Kendrick Lamar audio, and get these old boomers to do an easy dance et voilà! They’re reelected for the next four years.”
As President Trump and the GOP run rampant on democracy, Democrats struggle to stay relevant, going as far as touring across battleground states six months too late, and even filibustering for over 24 hours on the Senate floor.
“This administration has saturated the market with dangerous rhetoric, and our only way to fight back is to like and share this post with ten of your friends,” said House Democratic Leader Hakeem Jefferies in his latest Instagram reel. “And don’t forget to head over to my Youtube page to subscribe and ring the bell so you can be notified whenever a new episode of the Podcast drops.”
At press time, House Republicans have also amassed to draft reciprocal social media posts filled with xenophobia and whataboutisms.
