OSAKA, Japan — Following the recent reveal of Super Nintendo World’s Donkey Kong Country expansion, Nintendo has issued a statement reporting that famed video game director Shigeru Miyamoto has gone missing within Universal Studios Japan.
“It was all very unexpected,” a Nintendo representative stated. “While filming our promotional video, we noticed Mr. Miyamoto appeared unusually worked up near the Mine Cart ride, which led to numerous retakes as he became increasingly distracted by the attraction. It was then, after finishing his segment with Mr. Kong, that he excused himself to the restroom. However, when he didn’t return, a park employee discovered an open window in the back and no sign of him. At this time, we are working under the assumption that he has not yet escap—left the premises.”
Universal has turned to increasingly unconventional methods to locate Mr. Miyamoto. Jackson Jones, the park’s head of security gave his thoughts on the situation.
“We’re taking this very seriously. He’s just a little guy, after all, and so we don’t know how long he’ll last out there. But we are remaining transparent that efforts have grown more difficult after a member of our team found that Mr. Miyamoto seems to have torn out his tracker. We’ve tried everything, having park employees walk around jangling keys, even having Donkey Kong going around the park looking sad hoping Miyamoto will come comfort him. We urge the public not to attempt to approach or capture Mr. Miyamoto if spotted, and to instead report it to the nearest staff member as he may become frightened and attack or run away.”
Internet theorists have called Miyamoto’s intentions into question after a recent leak from an undisclosed inside source alleged that Nintendo had limited his “outside time” to only 20 minutes a day. This has led to speculation that he is not missing at all but rather hiding.
“Oh, we’ve definitely seen him all over the place, but no one’s really taking us seriously,” said a park employee who wished to remain anonymous. “Honestly, I think that even if they did find him, they wouldn’t be able to catch him; he’s gotten weirdly good at hiding. It was a little funny at first, but now he’s starting to scare some of the guests. We’ve even had to stop the rides a couple times because he keeps sneaking on. But he’s been pretty chill, though. We leave some food and stuff out for him when we close up at night.”
At press time, Nintendo has assured the public that Mr. Miyamoto’s health and safety remain as their top priority, and are hopeful he will tucker himself out soon enough and return to the office.
