There’s only one real growth industry on this planet, and it’s human suffering. Welcome to Silent Hill. We appreciate your interest!
If you haven’t heard of us, we’re a yawning portal to unknowable terrors that dwells deep within the dark heart of New England’s tourism industry. (Are we in Maine? West Virginia? Pennsylvania? Nobody knows!)
For over 25 years, we’ve drawn in the lost, broken, and guilty from across North America, so we can run them through a lethal gauntlet that symbolizes their sins. If that sounds like fun to you, you might be Silent Hill material!
Are you the sort of person who can make magic happen with a coil of barbed wire and a few yards of cured human skin? Are you up for the challenge of completely renovating an apartment building into a bleeding industrial hell with five minutes’ notice? Would you be willing to wrap bacon around your face, put on a nurse’s uniform, and chase our “clients” around our hospital with a scalpel? If your answer to any of these questions is “yes,” then welcome aboard!
Why would you want to work for Silent Hill? Well, first off, it’s technically a job in city government. We have an attractive benefits package, including vision, dental, PTO, and paid vacation days. We don’t offer a pension, but trust us: you won’t need it.
Need health insurance? No problem! We employ a lot of medical professionals, so there’s always somebody on the premises who can help you, and we’ll give you all the health drinks and random syringes you need! Even we don’t know what’s in them, but they’re really effective!
In these uncertain economic times, we know that many job seekers are looking for peace of mind. We usually aren’t in that business, but Silent Hill does believe in taking care of its employees. Our official policy is that we don’t lay anyone off. Period. Your job is secure until and unless one of our clients beats you to death with a lead pipe. That’s the Silent Hill Promise.
Right now, we’re looking to fill these positions:
- animated mannequin
- welder
- stagehand
- set designer
- Pyramid Head body double
- creepy ghost baby
- radio technician
If none of those sound like a fit for you, drop us a line anyway. After all, you never know when some new client might come into town who needs exactly the kind of personal touch you can provide.
Don’t worry. We won’t forget about your application. We never forget anything you’ve done.
Again, thanks for checking in with us! We’re looking forward to hearing from you!
Note: all our positions are local and sadly, require in-person attendance. However, we are looking into franchising, and recently opened our first international branch office in Kettenstadt, Germany. If we don’t have a location near you, just wait! Sooner or later, we’re hoping to see everyone in Silent Hill!
