“Classic” is a term that I feel gets thrown around far too often in the anime community. Both fans and reviewers alike have claimed that 2014’s Ping Pong: The Animation is worthy of this title, but those losers are categorically incorrect. Classics reach new heights by using tried-and-true tropes and techniques as the shoulders of giants upon which they stand, but this show deliberately throws all that to the side, instead choosing to leave its mark in its own way. Was all the praise I’ve read just a lie? Was I scammed? Because seriously, Ping Pong doesn’t even have a beach episode.
The first talking point in every positive review of this series is about director and famed anime veteran Masaaki Yuasa’s eye for unique, innovative art and animation. I ask this: how can an anime be a classic without an episodes-long glut of static reaction shots to highlight the almost decentness of five-to-ten second clips of henchmen getting punched in the balls? Ignoring how Yuasa and team never fail to showcase something interesting and new to look at, the real hit to the nads is that ten years on, people are still calling Ping Pong the GOAT. How can it be in the pantheon of great anime when it doesn’t even have an episode centered around sunbathing and watermelon splitting?
Also, don’t even get me started on the “who do you play for?” stuff. I didn’t become a Crunchyroll subscription-carrying aficionado to be asked such stupid questions. They should shut up and backhand drive–and would it kill them to cook some fish over a bonfire or something?
Now I’m not saying that this supposedly groundbreaking adaptation of the manga by seasoned storyteller Taiyō Matsumoto shies away from the absolute peak that is sands and sea. In a couple of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scenes in its eleven-episode run, Ping Pong shows its characters coming to terms with various life changes whilst gazing out at the surf, but in, like, some kind of lame, introspective way. Any decent anime would have refrained from insulting our intelligence by giving our protagonists some skimpy bathing suits to put on. And maybe they’d have thrown in some tasteful jiggle physics here and there–am I right, fellas?
As I sat with my body pillow, openly weeping in front of my tv, watching as the entire cast of characters achieved dreams they didn’t even know they had, I couldn’t help but also cry for what could have been. A true classic would have only given me only two, maybe three characters max to care about, and they wouldn’t have stayed with me as long as these ones have. And they definitely would’ve had some absolute babes in bikinis–dude, this show’s a full-on sausage fest.
