SANTA MONICA – Fans of the open-world action RPG Valor of Titans were disappointed this week after an update removed what many believed to be an Easter egg hinting at the series’ next installment.
It turns out the samurai sword and straw hat found tucked away in a corner of one of the game’s inns was actually just a mistake made by an overworked developer during a brutal 113-hour crunch week. The discovery of the out-of-place items had sent the game’s subreddit into a frenzy, with a post titled “JAPAN NEXT GAME’S LOCATION?!?!?!?!?!” garnering thousands of upvotes. However, the excitement was short-lived as the items were promptly removed in the next patch.
Former developer Dan Michaelson took to Twitch to explain what happened.
“Yeah, that’s on me, guys. I was working late on a Saturday and accidentally used the wrong asset. That’s for an unrelated mobile game I’m supposed to just make on the side,” he said. “They were working us pretty hard. What day is it?”
Michaelson revealed that he was also distracted by a Teams message from his manager, who had replied to his request for unpaid medical leave to undergo carpal tunnel surgery.
“The response I got was just a picture of my parents sleeping with a ball-peen hammer in the foreground, which I took as a no,” he said. “I was disappointed that I couldn’t go on medical leave, but at the same time, I was relieved I got a picture from my manager that wasn’t his penis.”
He further elaborated on the toxic work environment, recalling a team lead who told him, “I view this development team as a family, and families stick together. Sticking together means they don’t go tattling on each other to the US Department of Labor Wage and Hour Division because they aren’t being paid overtime.”
When asked why he didn’t go to HR about the issues, Michaelson explained that they were encouraged to email HR and not speak to them in person. After several complaints went unanswered, he decided to check on the status in person, only to find the HR department empty, with a lone poster of a kitten dangling on a clothesline that read, “Don’t Be a Pussy.”
The stream came to an abrupt end when Michaelson accidentally said Bobby Kotick’s name three times, summoning the Activision Blizzard CEO, who promptly consumed the developer’s soul, dooming him to an afterlife in the milky white abyss of purgatory.
At press time season three of the Valor of Titans battle pass is expected to premiere any day now.
