CINCINNATI – Prospective home buyers were shocked to discover during an open house that the sellers had not previously disclosed the primary en suite bathroom contained a Skibidi Toilet.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” Eric Rivers said after viewing the available home. “I knew going in that the house was gonna be overpriced and need a lot of work, because that’s basically every house on the market these days. But then I opened the door to the primary bathroom, and there was a hideous giraffe-necked head with a crew cut sticking up out of the toilet hole.”
“How did they think they’d get away with not telling anyone about this? Even if you can’t use the toilet, how could you shower with that thing looking at you the whole time? It made direct eye contact with me, and it was singing some hypnotic song I can’t get out of my head.”
Allen Blackwell, the homeowner, disagreed with Rivers’ assessment.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” Blackwell sighed. “If you really need to use the bathroom, the head will usually move out of the way. And as long as you don’t say anything bad about G-Man while you’re offloading some freight, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Honestly, I think the song’s kind of turned into a weird Pavlovian thing for me. I hear the song, I gotta go.”
“Also, if it starts getting too riled up, you can show it this,” Blackwell added, holding up a spiked toilet plunger mace. “Shuts it right up.”
Margot Miller, a listing agent for Redfin, confirmed that the Blackwells would need to disclose the Skibidi Toilet going forward.
“We’ve been seeing these things pop up all over the place,” Miller stated. “It really must be documented in the listing up front. Sure, the toilet is there now — but what happens when it gets drafted to fight in the ongoing war against The Alliance? There’ll be hundreds, maybe thousands of people with gaping holes in their bathroom floors. The seller should at least be offering closing credits for a replacement, just in case.”
At press time, the Blackwells had hired a camera-headed home inspector to look for a secret flush handle on the back of the toilet’s tank.
